WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

Australian politicians are patting themselves on the back today, after achieving greatness once again.

That’s because, we are back on the god damn map!

Yep, Australia is making global headlines for the first time in months, for a world first social media ban for people under the age of 16.

Fresh off the back of the Paris Olympics, pissing the French off over those submarines, and being the guys who called out China about the origins of the bat flu, Australia is now causing a newspapers on the other side of the world to write stories about us.

While most of the world thinks of us as a sizeable chunk of land at the ass end of the world with a few kangaroos, koalas and sharks kicking around (and the rest of them don’t think about us at all), Australia’s political and media class always like to think we are much more important than that.

That’s why our politicians always make an effort to try and chirp global leaders, and come up with things that we can branded as ‘world firsts.’

And this time around, the world first is a new ban on social media platforms for kids under 16s.

The ban has understandably made headlines around the world, with only North Korea and Russia previously being able to pull off something like this.

However, despite the fact no one else has been able to manage the regulation of global tech giants who have eroded our society to the point where it’s easy for them to get whatever they want, Prime Minister Albanese and his colleagues are quite confident we can pull them into line.

“Fuck around with us Aussies and find out,” laughed Albo this morning.

“You wanna piss on the porch, well then let the big dogs um kick the puppies off the porch.”

“Fuck, you know what I mean.”

More to come.