A growing crisis of school refusal is gripping Australia, leaving families in a hidden struggle.

When it first started happening, Alice would drag her daughter Frieda into kindergarten screaming.

The school staff would restrain the five-year-old as they locked the door.

“If tough love worked, my child would be at school. The things we put her through … I’m ashamed of it,” Alice says.

She knows what other parents judge her for — being a mother who can’t get her child to school.

“It’s a really lonely and confusing and shameful world because you assume that you are the problem,” the Sydney mum says.

“You see other families, their kids just happily going to school … and you feel like you’re just in this complete other world.”

Frieda, now eight, is one of the thousands of children in Australia experiencing ‘school refusal’, also known as ‘school can’t’ — children who have difficulty attending school due to emotional distress.

Some days Frieda lasts to the 3pm bell, others she might only make it to the school gate or not leave home at all.

“I get a bit upset when I usually don’t make it to school. ‘Cause I really want to, but somehow I don’t know how to get there,” Frieda says.

For parents, it’s a living nightmare that can result in broken careers, fear of kids missing out and threats of fines and prosecution.

For the education system, it raises fundamental questions about whether schools can actually include every child.

Distress and disengagement

An increasing number of Australian children are struggling to get to school.

In 2023, the attendance rate for students in Years 1 to 10 was 88 per cent, down from 92 per cent almost a decade earlier.

Last year, 38 per cent of all students in Years 1 to 10 were absent for more than 20 days a year – which is considered chronically absent.

Dr Lisa McKay-Brown, an education researcher at the University of Melbourne, says because there is no national data tracking the reason for absences, it’s unclear what is driving disengagement.

“How many of this is medical, how many of this is school refusal, how many of this is kids on holidays? That’s where the problem lies because it’s really hard to resource and plan and intervene when you don’t know how big the problem is,” Dr McKay-Brown says.

Many parents and experts argue the more accurate term is ‘school can’t’ — it’s not that the child won’t go to school, they can’t.

Experts say the emotional distress can be caused by problems at home or school but is often associated with neurodiversity and mental health disorders.

“We know that there are certain groups that are more at risk than others … they may be autistic, they may have learning difficulties, ADHD. They may have anxiety or some other mood disorder,” Dr McKay-Brown says.

‘Ethan was left behind’

When Ethan looks at a photo of himself in grade 3, he knows behind the smile was someone without much hope.

“I felt like I wouldn’t actually get a job when I get older. I would be homeless, sleeping on the side of the road,” the 12-year-old says.

By grade 3 in his Geelong primary school, Ethan couldn’t read or write.

He’d been falling behind for years, and becoming more disengaged.

“I couldn’t even spell my name,” Ethan says.

When Ethan’s mum Sam saw how he was treated in class one day, it left her heartbroken.

“Instead of sitting there and writing a sentence like the other children were doing, they just said ‘Oh, just draw a picture’. It pushed him further away,” she says.

Pandemic lockdowns only made matters worse.

Ethan found online learning hard and later, found the return to school challenging. As he struggled to keep up, he began having physical outbursts and experiencing bullying. Eventually he started threatening self-harm if he was forced to attend school.

“It wasn’t safe for me. I got bullied every day. Made me feel … like I was locked up in a cage,” Ethan says. 

Sam, who had recently separated with four kids, was struggling to balance working to pay off her mortgage with Ethan’s low attendance rate.

“Being a parent is really hard. Especially when they’re having to finish school early, or you’re getting phone calls saying, ‘You need to come pick your child up, they’ve broken a window, or they’ve tried to self-harm’.”

“You kind of can’t commit to anything. Your life just goes on hold.”

When Ethan’s public school said they were out of options to help him, Sam added her son’s name to a 100-person long waitlist for an independent school that helps youth who are disengaged from mainstream schooling.

The months slipped by as they waited for a spot.

“No child left behind is definitely not a reality, because Ethan was left behind,” Sam says.

The shadow of the law

Because school attendance is required by law, for parents of kids struggling to go, the threat of legal action always looms.

When Kurt’s 16-year-old daughter Hayley couldn’t get out of bed to go to school, the daily texts started coming.

“Your daughter was marked absent … this absence has been recorded as unexplained or unjustified,” one text from her Sydney school read.

Hayley says school staff eventually told her that her absences could result in a $11,000 fine, placing further pressure on the family.

“I had my parents coming in, like yelling at me … I got the light turned on, the blinds opened, the bed sheets pulled off, stuff like that,” Hayley says. 

During a fight with Hayley, it dawned on Kurt, who is a mental health nurse, that his daughter had depression. He’d also noticed cuts on her arms.

“The school stuff was hard, but the stuff where you cry yourself to sleep sometimes is having a child doing that themselves … and working in the industry knowing what the outcomes can be,” Kurt says tearily.

Meanwhile, the texts continued, leaving Kurt fearing what might come next.

In a statement, the NSW Department of Education said, “where attendance improvement support has been unsuccessful … and the parents have not meaningfully engaged, the matter may be referred for consideration of legal action”.

Homeschooling Hayley would have stopped the texts, but for the working single-dad of two, it wasn’t an option. Eventually, school staff assured him he would not be fined.

The number of homeschooled children has doubled during the past five years, from 21,456 pupils in 2019 to more than 43,797 in 2023.

Alice has seen parents post on Facebook about giving up their careers to homeschool their kids. It’s an option she’s thought about a lot for Frieda who has been diagnosed with autism.

“The prospect of homeschooling Frieda hangs over me every day … but I can’t afford to,” Alice says.

When Frieda doesn’t make it into school, Alice isn’t able to get through a normal work day. To make up for lost time she works into the night or over weekends.

Frieda’s attendance has improved after moving to a school where staff have been more accommodating to her needs.

Despite the improvement, Alice received a formal warning letter last month regarding Frieda’s attendance. A second will trigger contact from a homeschool liaison officer.

“The principal did explain it’s just how the system works, and it doesn’t need to be a scary thing as they may have more resources … but if I didn’t have the heads up, I would have been terrified,” Alice says.

“When you get something like that … it’s got a shaming tone. Like you’re failing at this, you’re failing because your child isn’t going to school all the time.”

Alice feels like that sentiment runs across the department’s pamphlets on school refusal, particularly the NSW Education slogan “Every School Day Counts”.

“How insulting. Of course we want our kids to be going every day.”

“They were putting [it] back onto the parents, it’s our fault … instead of ‘school attendance is tanking, so is numeracy and literacy’ and the department isn’t prepared to go, ‘Maybe it’s a problem with the system’.”

‘You have to go through so much trauma’ 

After a six month wait, Ethan got a place at MacKillop Education in Geelong, a non-government school that helps students disengaged from mainstream schooling to get back on track.

Teachers and the principal personally greeted the shy newcomer at the school gates every day.

“He would bite or pull his hair and he would say, ‘I’m so dumb’. That’s the thing that upset him most, that he thought he was stupid,” says Sharyn Sadler, Ethan’s support teacher.

“There was a fear of failure. And that’s actually common amongst many of our children because they’ve experienced so much failure.”

To support students’ emotional regulation, classrooms are fitted with chill-out sensory spaces and teachers keep a predictable routine. Uniforms are also scrapped for students who find them itchy.

“I think there does need to be greater flexibility in the system in how we’re providing education for young people to be able to access it. And that comes through knowledge, human resourcing, money,” MacKillop co-principal Skye Staude says.

For most MacKillop students, the school is a transition period to get them back into a mainstream setting.

After two years at the school, Ethan’s attendance went up to full-time. He can now read fluently and spell.

This year he transitioned into a mainstream government school with additional supports.

Sam knows not every child gets the opportunity Ethan does.

“Alternative schools like this, they’re not as easily accessible for kids who need them. You have to go through so much trauma, so much anger. The child has to go through so much themselves to even be put in the position to access a school like this,” Sam says.

“Ethan’s been given that chance, and he’s really grown with it.”

Ethan will be a teenager next year, and he likes the person he’s finally becoming.

“I feel like I got hope in myself. I’m proud of myself,” Ethan says.

Sam knows that school refusal is difficult to comprehend for those that haven’t lived it themselves, but knows from experience how debilitating it can be.

“You feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel as a parent, so you’re not thinking about your hopes, what you want out of your life,” Sam says.

For some kids, the path ahead isn’t as straightforward.

Hayley’s attendance improved to 85 per cent last year when she signed up to a pilot program run by NSW Education for students with chronic attendance issues that employs interest-based learning.

But this year she’s had setbacks — first with her mental health, then the program made some changes to its approach.

“Sometimes I’ll be going great for a few weeks or months or even a whole year, but then stuff will not be going as great again, and then my attendance will go down again.”

To stay engaged, the program has allowed Hayley to make adjustments like wearing headphones to block out distractions. She’s also started attending a local school for art class four days a week.

She’s noticed the change in herself.

“I’m actually doing things. Talking to people instead of staying in my room, trying to get to school.”

“I want to be able to get through year 11 and 12 and get into uni to study psychology. So I’ve been doing as much as I can to get there.”

One size doesn’t fit all

The issue of school refusal, which exists largely in the shadows, was pushed into the spotlight last year by a Senate inquiry.

Greens Senator Penny Allman-Payne, who helped instigate the inquiry, says Australia’s one-size-fits-all education system is outdated.

“This is the model of education that we had over 100 years ago. The world is very different now. Young people are very different now,” she says.

“The good news is that we know that there are things that work: early intervention, smaller class sizes, flexible campuses, interest-led learning.”

The federal government has agreed or supported in-principle two of the inquiry’s 14 recommendations.

They include commissioning the Australian Education Research Organisation to analyse the drivers of school refusal and possible interventions, and disseminate school refusal training for teachers.

Alice feels like the government has stopped short of investing in schools properly. She’s worried asking more of existing teachers will strain the system.

“The teachers are under so much pressure. So, they’re going to do more training, more to their workload when they’re already stretched?”

Frieda’s attendance is now at 54 per cent, she also successfully sat her year 3 NAPLAN test.

But Alice knows there’s no guarantee things will keep improving.

“I don’t know what our lives are going to look like next week, next month, next year,” says Alice.

The fear of the unknown scares her – if Frieda will get through the school day, if she’ll get another warning letter.

“As a parent, that’s pretty awful because all you want is for your kid to be happy.”

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Credits

Story: Mridula Amin and Sascha Ettinger-Epstein

Photography: Mridula Amin

Digital Production: Mridula Amin and Nick Wiggins