NEW DELHI: Former Australia cricketer Nicole Bolton shared the complexities she faced while balancing her relationship with fellow cricketer Elyse Villani and their competitive careers in the national setup.

Speaking on the ‘Stories After Stump’s’ podcast by cricket.com.au, Bolton opened up about the emotional and mental challenges of competing with Villani, her partner at the time, for an opening spot in the dominant Australian side.

Bolton, 35, who now serves as an assistant coach for South Australia and Adelaide Strikers, described the struggle of separating her personal relationship with Villani from their professional rivalry, revealing the strain it placed on both her mental health and their partnership.

“I really struggled with competing against each other and being able to disassociate between Elyse as my partner and Elyse as the cricketer. I think at times I made it quite challenging for our relationship, and that was probably through my own sheer ambitions to want to play at the highest level, ” said Bolton.

Bolton’s journey in cricket was marked by significant highs and lows, from her impressive debut century in ODIs to an ongoing battle with depression.

“To me, it was quite simple: I wanted to be with Elyse, I loved Elyse and I needed to find ways where how I was feeling wasn’t impacting our relationship, ” Bolton explained. “I’m at a point now where, Elyse has won a three-peat with Tasmania and I think that’s a freaking unbelievable achievement. She makes runs and I’m genuinely ecstatic for her, but back in those days – I’ll be honest – you want her to fail because you want to play, and that’s shit because you don’t want to feel like that for someone that you’re supposed to love.”

Reflecting on her journey, Bolton acknowledged the intense emotions she experienced during her playing days. “I look back on it now and, you know, I’m 35, but at 25 everything feels just so raw and it feels so intense that you’re not sure how to navigate it.”

Bolton’s struggles were not unnoticed by her teammates. Alyssa Healy, now the captain of the Australian team, witnessed the difficulties Bolton and Villani faced.

“It was almost hard to watch it all unfold. I think I felt for the both of them. Neither of them probably got the most out of themselves and their careers simply because that was always filtering away in the background. I definitely felt like ‘Bolts’ probably struggled and seemed to grapple with that a lot more, and probably let that affect her, ” Healy said on the podcast.