The rivalry between India and Australia is so fiery nowadays that it’s only one aggressive follow-through away at all times from a full-scale diplomatic crisis.

Whether dishing up crook pitches, calling for new gloves 45 times in the final hour of a tense Test or simply just being nagged in to babysitting Tim Paine’s kids, every Border-Gavaskar showdown is a powder keg where no tactic is off limits.

But for all its thermonuclear tension and slow over rates, the relationship between the two nations remains amazingly amicable.

How?

Because despite playing hard, they always respect the decision of the most important arbiter in the sport: the BCCI.

With India returning to our shores for another enormous summer of Test cricket, we must remind everyone of the sanctity of the game’s most sacred decision-maker.

For those unaware, Indian cricket – led by its governing body the BCCI – is a global superpower that wields an inordinate amount of power over the game, aka 100 per cent.

In short, one does not argue with the BCCI. There is no review system, and its decision is final.

It’s an immense wield that comes from India being a nation brimming with magnificent cricketers, but mainly because it’s got more cash than God and Jeff Bezos combined.

When it comes to world cricket, India doesn’t just hold all the cards and the nuclear codes, it also holds the PIN number – and they’re not scared to exploit it.

Not only does the BCCI execs do what they please – like giving Test cricket the respect it thinks it deserves in Perth by staging the IPL auction on day 3 – they also won’t hesitate to pull stumps if they don’t get their way.

Yep, the juggernaut nation will happily pack up their chequebook and bugger off home at any sign of contrarian behaviour, be it misbehaving crowds, logistical loggerheads or even just one of their batters being given out LBW.

Starting with Sunil Gavaskar’s stunning hissy fit in 1981 all the way up to the threats to abandon local tours here in 2007-08 and 2020-21 due to Monkeygate and COVID restrictions respectively, these blokes don’t muck around.

They’re currently refusing to attend next year’s Champions Trophy in Pakistan, they’ve shunned ICC functions because of cold sandwiches, and for reasons yet to be determined, it appears they boycotted their last series at home to New Zealand too.

And unless Australia want their next home summer blacked out in retaliation with a new IPL window, our administrators must be acutely prepared for anything this series.

Put simply, whatever tricks the BCCI pulls, Cricket Australia must be ready to fight for this country’s national interests.

And those interests?

That we remain firmly in the back pocket of Indian cricket – as close to its wallet as possible.

Yep, Australia may play its cricket in a hard-nosed fashion, but when it comes to the BCCI, our governing body needs to lay down its bat and kick over its own stumps, just like every other time we’ve done in the past.

Much like ostracising Andrew Symonds after Monkeygate, hoarding world revenue from cash-starved nations in an evil triumvirate with England, or simply just agreeing to another meaningless seven-game ODI series in the last untouched 72-hour period of a sardined calendar, no BCCI demand is beyond Australia.

If India want to exchange the ball for a grapefruit, we ask how ripe. If they don’t like the umpiring, we axe Richard Kettleborough for Ravi Shastri.

And if they want to cancel the Ashes and replace it with a T20 series, then the prestige of the Urn is inferior to that of the Pepsi Series brought to you by Star Sports and Dulux Paints Trophy.

Shubman Gill and Dhruv Jurel celebrate. (Photo by Gareth Copley/Getty Images)

Whatever India wants this summer, we deliver with a three-bags-full smile that’s as milky-soft as our resolve – or risk being financially domiciled in to a lifetime of summers hosting Zimbabwe.

So far we’ve been prudently compliant, with local umpire Shawn Craig already patsied by front office for having the gall to uphold the game’s integrity in the India A versus Australia A tour game earlier this month.

After questioning the tourists over ball tampering and copping a gobful from Indian wicketkeeper Ishan Kishan, concerns were raised India could be worryingly held to the standards applied to everyone else.

Thankfully, a crisis was averted when CA administrators buried the whole incident under the floorboards, saving our summer and a million effigies in Craig’s likeness.

But will this be enough?

Already we’ve tempted fate by opening the series in Perth, a venue that could upset the tourists on account of it historically bouncing above the knee roll.

With the subcontinental side’s well-documented dodging of pink-ball Tests and spicy Gabba tracks in years gone by, Australia should’ve avoided risk by hosting every game of this India series exclusively on the old MCG featherbed, or just to be safe, in India.

In summary, keep India happy at all costs this summer. Like we usually do.

They put the money in the bank that puts the cricket on the TV and the peroxide in Adam Zampa’s hair, and that’s why no matter what happens on the field, they are always right.

Harbhajan Singh was misinterpreted, Bill Brown didn’t deserve a warning from Vinoo Mankad, and Steve Waugh should be grateful Sourav Ganguly even bothered showing up in 2001.

Put simply, it’s a magnanimous gesture on India’s part to even include us in the toss – especially when they’re always providing the coin.